Lay or

Lie?

Lay or Lie?

English is chaos. Chaos is Anarchy. Any suggestions? Who do we blame for this?
The Anglos, the Saxons, the Danes, le French, das Germans?

I know that lay works in a department store. I put money on it and when I'm ready to take it home, I pay the balance.

And I can lay a table.

Or if I tell a little porky it's called a little white one.

But...

When I'm buying a new mattress am I laying down or lying... will I lay down or will I lie...

Oh the quandary of self doubt... I'm an ignoramous, a dimwit,

But I'm not a liar, layer, oh heck.